I put it out to the universe that I didn't want to be self conscious of my body anymore and I wanted to meet a well established good looking man.... so the universe gives me breast cancer and puts me in the hospital where I'm meeting countless hot doctors and have to show them all my boobs! Be careful what you ask for!

I have gone through many stages during this process and its very similar to the stages of a break up, which I'm all to familiar with. The first stage was DENIAL. I spent the first few weeks thinking it was no big deal, treating it like a rash, making jokes, letting friends touch it ( HUGE MISTAKE! I felt like a grade 6 sex- ed experiment).
Then came the countless cards and letters and phone calls and both my Mother and Father flying in from Manitoba and my doctor saying..." This isn't funny. You have cancer" that I couldn't deny it any longer.

Then came the next stage FEAR. One day it hit me...  " Oh my god, I have cancer and I'm ALL ALONE".I'm single,I live alone, I have a dog I have to take care of, a business I have to run, events to organize, classes to teach, bills, a fence I have to build before the condo board sends me another threatening letter.....NO.....THIS ISN'T A GOOD TIME FOR ME!!! Why didn't I marry any of those winners that treated me sooooooo well! Now I have to take on another thing all by myself..geez! This sucks.
I need a man. I need a man to take care of me. I have never had a man take care of me. I have always taken care of them and where did that get me... they always leave when my credit card is maxed out, and so is my patience.....But what sort of man is going to want to meet a near cougar with cancer? Well I'm back where I started, I'm alone, and now I'm depressed.

I guess I'm going to have to tackle this all alone like everything else in my life. Can you see where this is going? The pity party is in full swing.Which brings me to the funnest stage of all BLAME. I started researching everything I could about breast cancer. Why did I get it? What did I do wrong? My doctor asked me if I drank alcohol? " Well duh... I'm single and I'm from Winnipeg". She told me to stop immediately. Your risk for breast cancer increases if you drink. Every book, brochure, website I went to said the same thing " limit alcohol to one a day". Oh okay, well I can do that. I'll just save up all my days and then go out on a Saturday and drink all seven. I was shocked to discover it doesn't work like that. I cried. Then I read that your risk to breast cancer increases if you have never been pregnant or breast fed. Check.Also if you're on the birth control pill .Check. ...and eat alot of soy. Check. My god... I am being punished for being single! And now...who the hell is gonna want me?? Did saving myself for the right man give me cancer?? Why didn't I give that guy a chance who couldn't afford bus fare to take me out? I am soooooooo picky!

Every doctor and nurse I talked to said the same thing " relax. no stress. meditate. be calm". Huh?? I feel guilty when I relax. How is anything going to get done? I tried to meditate once and I was making things to do lists in my head. How can you just sit there and chant? It doesn't make any sense.Over and over I was told to eliminate any stress in my life.But its my busiest time of the year...AHHHHH...I need a drink! and a soy burger.

Those comments though brought me to stage four GETTING RID OF TOXINS. For the most part I eat pretty healthy and I exersize every day but I decided to put nothing but healthy things into my body, and that includes energy. I had to say good bye to some people in my life that made this diagnosis about them. I don't have the time to make YOU feel better.For once in my life I have to focus on me. That includes an ex who choose to call me for the first time since we broke up, to ask a favour. I told him I had cancer and haven't heard from him since. Wow, can't believe I let that one go.

I have had so many friends and family members step up to the plate and help me out. It has been overwhelming. Even people I have just met, have bent over backwards to make things easier for me.I realized there is no shame in asking for help. There is nothing wrong with saying " I can't do this by myself". Every day something magical happens which makes me grateful for the life I have. I realized I a not alone.I am surrounded by love and even though a man with rock hard abs and a stable job would be nice, nothing compares to this.

Tomorrow I go see the surgeon to find out the results of my surgery ( I had a lumpectomy on November 17th and my lymph nodes removed under my right arm) and the next steps to my treatment. I am not going to lie, I am scared, but know I've got a village of people behind me.

Standing tall boobs and all,

Ally

Hey we love you and the universe will take care of you. You put a lot of humour, bravery and positive energy out there and you will get it back. Or I will just kick Karma's ass for you.:)